Navigating child arrangements this Christmas

Christmas is typically a season of good cheer and cherished traditions. However, at MSB, we understand that for some, it can be an exceptionally difficult and emotional time.

Many parents that have sadly experienced a breakdown within their family relationship(s) will be attempting to navigate this festive period, and make arrangements in respect of their children.

During a recent discussion within our Family Team, we were reminded of the poignant children’s Christmas story; The Lonely Christmas Tree, by Chris Naylor-Ballesteros, and immediately drew comparisons between the lonely tree, and some children dealing with parental separation.

The story unfolds with the line “The tree was once part of a huge forest home, but those days were gone- now it stood all alone”.

When experiencing a relationship breakdown, it is easy to negotiate child arrangements through the prism of our own pain and upset. But it is important to remember that, in the majority of cases, irrespective of whether the love between two adults has faded, children still desperately need an ongoing, and full relationship with both of their parents.

And so, as we enter the festive season, the MSB Family Team have put together the following practical tips to try and ensure that both parents and children alike, enjoy quality time together this Christmas: -

1.        Plan Early and Communicate Clearly

Parents should start discussing festive child arrangements well in advance of the “big day” to avoid panic and allow ample time for negotiation. Suggested plans should be communicated clearly and respectfully. We advise that you confirm any agreed arrangements in writing to avoid last minute confusion or misunderstanding.

2.        Arrangements should be child focused

When agreeing arrangements for your children over Christmas, try to set your own emotions to one side, and focus on what is genuinely in their best interests.

Remember that children from separated families often have two “homes” and two sets of extended family members that they love dearly. Consequently, as adults, parents often need to be open to compromise to ensure that children can enjoy time over the Christmas holidays with both sides of their family. 

3.        Shield children from adult conflict

Christmas can often be a stressful time for adults, particularly when you are trying to agree child arrangements. Try to be mindful that children can pick up on emotions and make a concerted effort to shield them from any adult conflict. Never speak of your ex-partner or their family members in derogatory terms in front of your children and instead, actively encourage their relationships with one another. Children should feel supported when it comes to spending time with their other parent/extended family.

4.        Consider indirect contact

If it is simply not possible to spend time with your child(ren) face to face over the Christmas period, then consider video/telephone calls to ensure that you are still able to play an active part in their festivities.

 Again, it is important that arrangements are communicated and agreed clearly, in advance, to avoid confusion. Having said that, be mindful that Christmas can be a fast-paced and exciting time for a child and so a degree of flexibility may need to be adopted to ensure the smooth running of arrangements.

If you would like assistance with agreeing child arrangements, or any other family law issue, then please do not hesitate to get in touch with our award-winning team at MSB.